As a spry 60-something conservative who’s spent decades outsmarting the taxman and building a nest egg, I’ve learned a thing or two about investing—mostly that it beats letting the government play Monopoly with my money. Now, with my grandkids eyeing the world like it’s a piggy bank waiting to be cracked, I figure it’s high time to teach the next generation how to grow their own wealth. Sure, I could just hand them a fistful of dollars and call it a day, but where’s the fun in that? Instead, I’m launching them into the wild world of investing, and I’m doing it with a grin and a few laughs along the way. Here’s how I’m turning my little ones into savvy capitalists, from my perspective as a retired golf-cart-riding, barbecue-loving patriarch.
First off, I start with the basics—because nothing screams “family bonding” like a crash course in compound interest. I sit the kids down—okay, bribe them with ice cream—and explain that money can grow like weeds if you plant it right. I use a piggy bank as my prop, tossing in a few bucks and showing how, with a savings account or stock, it could sprout into more over time. “Think of it like your grandma’s garden,” I tell them, “except instead of tomatoes, you’re growing cash—less dirt, more dividends!” I point them to a high-yield savings account at Ally Bank, where they can earn ~4% APY, teaching them that even a few dollars can work harder than a kid mowing lawns. It’s a gentle start, and they’re hooked faster than a fish on a lure.
Next, I introduce them to the stock market, but I keep it simple—no Wall Street jargon to scare off my young apprentices. I pick a company they know, like Disney or Coca-Cola, and we buy a single share through a custodial account on Fidelity. “You own a tiny piece of Mickey Mouse now,” I chuckle, watching their eyes light up. I explain how dividends are like pocket money from the company, and if the stock grows, so does their slice of the pie. To keep it fun, I let them track it on an app—turns out, they’re more excited about beating the market than beating me at checkers. I stick to blue-chip stocks or ETFs like the SPDR S&P 500 ETF (SPY), keeping it safe while they learn the ropes. No crypto rollercoasters for my grandkids—not until they’re old enough to handle a real rollercoaster!
To instill some grit, I match their savings with a challenge. If they save $50 from chores or birthday cash, I’ll kick in another $50 for their investment account. It’s like a mini “work hard, win big” lesson, straight out of my conservative playbook. We use a Roth IRA for kids (if they’ve got earned income from odd jobs) via Schwab, where their gains grow tax-free—because, as I tell them, “We don’t feed the IRS our lunch money!” They giggle, but they’re learning that every dollar saved is a dollar the government can’t touch. I keep the stakes low, maybe $100 to start, so they’re not sweating a market dip more than I sweat on the golf course.
Humor helps, so I throw in some lighthearted competition. I set up a “family investment league” where they pick stocks or ETFs, and I toss in my own picks—think American Conservative Values ETF (ACVF) for a values-based laugh. “Let’s see if your Fortnite stock beats Grandpa’s oil rigs,” I tease, knowing ACVF’s focus on traditional industries might outlast their gaming fads. We check progress monthly over burgers, and the winner gets bragging rights—or an extra scoop of ice cream. It’s a game that teaches them to research, diversify, and laugh at a loss, which is half the battle in investing.
I also weave in my conservative values, showing them that money can reflect who we are. We talk about avoiding companies that clash with our beliefs—say, those pushing “woke” agendas—and instead support firms like those in ACVF or Strive’s energy ETFs. “Your dollars are your vote,” I say with a wink, “so let’s vote for freedom, not lectures.” They nod, half understanding, but it plants a seed. For faith-driven investing, I introduce Inspire Investing’s ETFs, skipping firms tied to gambling or other no-nos, aligning with our Christian roots. It’s a lesson in ethics with a side of chuckles when I joke about out-investing the choir.
Finally, I stress patience—because even at 60, I’m still learning not to panic-sell when the market hiccups. I tell them stories of my own blunders, like buying tech stocks in ’99 and watching them crash faster than a kid off a bike. “Slow and steady wins,” I say, pointing to my TIPS and munis that weathered storms. We set long-term goals—like saving for college or a car—and use a 529 plan (Path2College 529) for the grandkids, keeping it conservative with fixed-income options. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, and I’m their coach with a grin.
Teaching my “faux” kids to invest isn’t just about money—it’s about passing down a legacy of self-reliance and smart choices. At 60, with my jet skis ready and my retirement secure, I’m thrilled to see them catch the investing bug. They’re learning to grow wealth, dodge taxes, and stick to our values, all while we share a laugh or two. Want to join the fun? Start with a custodial account on Fidelity or a 529 at Path2College529.com, and consult an advisor to kick it off.
